Lonesome Words

Det är jätte bra, c'est trés fantastique and it's fucking incredible!
Finally someone in the public sphere has said something both sensible
and important in regards to language in this country. In today's Australian, Judith Wheeldon has written an article the on cultural and economic importance of developing a language education policy in this country. According to latest statistics (umm..Wikipedia), there are around 180 languages spoken in Melbourne, yet the majority of this country's inhabitants (read: Anglo-Celts) are monolingual. Surprising as it may seem to monolinguals, this is not the world norm. I recall chatting to a young man, in English, on a bus in Morocco several years ago. Being Morocco, he would have been fluent in both Arabic and French, and possibly Spanish as well. His English was perfect and on his lap was a book written in German. Whilst German might have been an exceptional language for a Moroccan to learn, being fluent in at least three of the other four languages would be the standard. Throughout Africa, the sub-continent and Europe being fluent in multiple languages is common practice.

There's a prevalence within the Anglosphere that the world must come to us. English may, at present, be the dominant global language, but from an Australian perspective our reliance on it getting us by in a global environment is merely riding on the coat-tails of US economic power. This attitude is not only lazy, but deeply detrimental, as Wheeldon points out in her article:

Relying on others to speak to us in our language is giving them a great advantage. They then understand the cultural nuances brought to a discussion while we create the arrogant impression that the other side must do all the hard work of learning our language to communicate with us.

There's an amusing little anecdote about when Anglo-Saxon invaders first came to Britain, they immediately declared that the Celtic inhabitants were wealas - foreigners. There's something about this brutal arrogance that is unsurprising given our history as an ethnic group, and one doesn't need to go back to the 4th century to find examples.

The study of language is the most decisive way to gain an understanding of a diverse range cultures. There's a common perception of the "ugly traveller": people who are so obviously out of place in a foreign environment that their behaviour is offensive. This label is most frequently attached to Americans, Australians and the English. You'll never hear of Scandinavians, the Finns or Dutch being described in this way as their education systems stress the importance of learning languages from an early age and make their study compulsory through secondary school. As a result people from these countries exhibit an ease of action within foreign environments.
One doesn't have to speak the language of the specific geographic location to feel comfortable there, however it is study of any non-native language that provides a grounding in an appreciation and respect for difference.

It is a combination of this "you-come-to-us" arrogance and diversity ignorance so common within the Anglosphere that is at the core of the "ugly traveller" characterisation. This monolingualism breeds a mono-culturalism that is in direct conflict with today's globalised world. Engagement with the wider world is not only essential, but inevitable. There is no other policy perusal other than a full and enthusiastic embracing of it. And yet at the moment Australians are so insular that they feel it necessary to form ghettos in England - a country with no language barrier and an almost identical culture - it's quite frankly pathetic (hello to all my Acton readers). This village mentality is now dangerously obsolete.

Opposition leader Kevin Rudd (a fluent Mandarin speaker) has been talking about an "education revolution" as part of his alternative government policy, yet has only revealed minor details at this stage. Let us hope that his revolution recognises the importance of a significant language policy and that he will be able to sell this to what I suspect might unfortunately be a suspicious electorate.

A Curly Solution To A Curly Problem

What’s the deal with chocolate bars in Australia? Isn’t there anyone else out there a little concerned that we are paying up to $2 for the sensual delights of a Cadbury Whip? $2.20 if we go to a 7 Eleven! In the UK you’ll pay on average 40p for a chocolate bar, this converts to around $1.00 - $1.10, but in relative terms is really only 80 cents. As someone who tends to enjoy the occasional (read: frequent) chocolate bar I am finding the excessive prices of my favourite snacking treat quite disturbing.
However, luckily for me I have found a solution. The Curly-Wurly. Whilst other bars seem to have either become precious metals or subjected to Zimbabwean inflation, the Curly-Wurly has remained steady at a reasonable 59 cents (Coles price).


To me, the Curly-Wurly is the ultimate chocolate bar. Its creamy chocolate goodness surrounds its chewy caramel wires providing one with a wonderfully delectable snack. But it's a snack that, most importantly, won’t spoil your dinner. You know how it is, you’re going out to dinner with family or friends and the scheduled arrival time is still an hour away, but you are STARVING. You feel like a Snickers, but you know that a Snickers is just far too filling. This is a major problem for me, especially when I go to Indian restaurants, I find myself struggling to get through more than half of my Channa Masala. Occasionally this is just because my eyes have been too big for my belly (do you really need TWO garlic naans, Grant?), but frequently it has been because I was too hungry to wait that hour until I arrived at the restaurant and indulged myself in some chocolaty treat. This is where the Culry-Wurly comes in. It’s substantial enough to take the edge off those hunger pangs, but light enough not to spoil your appetite, but the best part is for only 59 cents it won’t hurt your wallet!

Clapping Hands Up In The Air

It's not often that the major social event of any given week takes place on a Wednesday. Being opposed to social events in general, for me, it's not often that they take place at all. Yet, when feel-good Swedish punks the Love Is All come to town it's hard to resist not throwing on your sexiest outfit and set about painting the town spectacular! But for many days before the show, resist is what I did. I attempted to give my ticket away, and made many a pathetic excuse for not wanting to attend. However, having seen the band in Montreal last October I was well aware of their ability to lighten even the most sour of moods, and as I had been exhibiting all the cheerfulness of an over-ripe vineyard of late I eventually conceded that they just might be the shot in the arm this little grape needed.



ONE MORE TIME the boys wailed out in unison to start Talk Talk Talk Talk and so began a gloriously delightful set of toe-tapping post-punk singalongs that you have to be deaf not to enjoy. Some band a long time ago once sang something along the lines of "love is all you need". Little did they know how prophetic those words would become.
Unfortunately the indie geek meets Stephen Merchant lookalike broke his saxomaphone during the opening number, but more than made up for it with some enthusiastic percussion and keyboard playing and the odd half-arsed star-jump.

Josephine was a lot more animated and talkative than when I saw the band previous, in fact she was so ridiculously cute I doubt there was anyone in the venue who didn't go home without a crush on her.



I first discovered Love Is All through Spinning And Scratching being on the Rough Trade Indie Pop compilation, and for all their twitching post-punk energy, there is definitely something C86 about them. Several months ago Josephine interviewed Frances McKee of The Vaselines for the American magazine Under The Radar, and to add further evidence to their tweester credentials the band performed a cover of a Pastels song.

The one unfortunate thing about the band is that they only have one album worth of material to play from. They can race through such insanely awesome tracks as Busy Doing Nothing, Make Out Fall Out Make Up and Ageing Had Never Been His Friend and then the whole show is over within an hour.


After the show I was able summon up the courage to have a quick chat with Josephine. I told that I'd seen the band in Montreal and she replied "I thought I recognised you". She was probably just being polite, but my ego was a little stroked. Then we discussed the guy who supported them in Montreal - Miracle Fortress - who is completely awesome.