The Very Modern Dance

Today I received an email from Katy Stevens that upset me greatly. It seems that the hip night bar Roxanne was having some sort of birthday celebration this coming Friday and were staging an evening of danceable musical tunes for anyone wishing to enter their venue on that specific evening. Katy was suggesting to me and some other people in the gang that we should attend. The prospect sounded mildly intriguing until I scrolled down the relevant information to read the following:

Expect new wave, synth pop, post punk, electro, new romantic, no wave and eighties trash glam from then, and from now! Hear Bronski Beat, Adam and the Ants, Franz Ferdinand, The Smiths, Joy Division, Interpol, Duran Duran, Blondie, Pylon, Pet Shop Boys, Bloc Party, The Contortions,Wire, LCD Soundsystem, Visage, Fiat Lux, OMD, The Rapture, The Eurythmics, Echo and the Bunnymen, These New Puritans, Shy Child, Gang Of Four, Fischerspooner, Simple Minds, Berlin, Japan, New Order, The Cure, Presets, Cut Copy, Midnight Juggernauts, Le Tigre, Daft Punk, White Rose Movement, She Wants Revenge, The Killers, Futureheads, Hot Chip, The Knife, The Strokes, Iggy Pop and more.

Now anyone who has known me for more than 15 minutes has heard me rant long and hard about the evils of old music. Old music, as well as being fairly rubbish, gives the impression that the listener is stuck in a rose-coloured nostalgic haze unable and unwilling to venture into the bold new horizons the future has to offer. Also, it makes me suspicious that someone whose musical tastes aren't progressive (both musically and socially) will be similarly regressive with their political views. So upon reading the following list of musical acts you can imagine I wasn't overly impressed. Aside from The Knife and Le Tigre, there isn't anything there that I would A) want to listen to in a night club environment, and B) give my approval to by flailing my body around to the sound of their tunes.

For a city that prides itself on its musical reputation, Melbourne is conspicuously short of club nights that play decent and danceable indie and electro pop. So short, in fact, that there are no clubs nights whatsoever of this nature. It's a shame and a blight on the city that is in desperate need to be rectified. I would love to one day be able to stumble across a flyer that read something like the following:

Grab your dancing shoes and best manners and come along for a night of indie and electro-pop music for cute girls and respectful guys: Of Montreal, Annie, The Tough Alliance, La Casa Azul, The Blow, Saint Etienne, The Knife, Belle & Sebastian, Broadcast, The Pipettes, The Brunettes, Camera Obscura, Envelopes, Lucky Soul, The Russian Futurists, Familjen, Girlsareshort, Jens Lekman, Jenny Wilson, Au Revoir Simone, Le Tigre, Bis, Love Is All, Junior Boys, Animal Collective, Kanda, Architecture in Helsinki, The Postal Service, Stereolab to name but a few!

At one stage my friend Claire and I resolved to fix this dilemma and start our on club where would we be able to play such wonderful music as that above, but unfortunately other priorities at the time prevented us from doing so. Not a day goes by where I don't consider revisiting the idea and organising a club night myself. However, there is one thing stopping me. I'm aware of how young people today behave in social environments and I think I would be uncomfortable facilitating the rampant heterosexual activity so common amongst today's youth. It would be fine if people wanted to lez out or fag up, but anything hetero going down would severely disturb me. I can't be seen to be, through my organising of a club night, not only condoning, but promoting that unsavoury lifestyle choice.

So Friday will come around, I may be convinced to attend and I may even enjoy myself, however secretly I will be seething with anger and disappointment, knowing that what may be a good night could have easily been a fantastic night if there was someone in Melbourne who had the musical taste, organisation skills and mental whereforall to stage the sort of significant indie and electro-pop night this city desperately needs.