This Gentle Heart's Like Shot Birds Fallen

"..hungover it's awful, the sound of trains collapsing back behind here; outside there are distant birds circling in front of 7 miles of heavy cloud falling down, &from where you're lying one of those clouds looks like a hanged man leading a blind, indifferent horse...THIS IS MILE END MY FRIEND, the hollowed out ruins here &a train runs straight thru them..."

Well, I live just up the road and it's not that bad. The train tracks actually divide Mile End into a rather nice area of cool cafés, bars and bagel shops and an area of old warehouses and crumbling overpasses more akin to the vision of our shadowy friends from Godspeed You Black Emperor! (or Godspeed You! Black Emperor as I believe they changed their name to). At the start of the century my proximity to Mile End would have been extremely exciting. You may have found me in an over-enthusiastic fan-boy state camped outside the Hotel2Tango reciting The Dead Flag Blues and stroking the skin right off my chin. Although my interest in.... I was going to use the cliché "epic post-apocalyptic gloom" here, but I actually think GY!BE's music is rather hopeful and I also think that their sense of humour is something that is often overlooked.... So my interest may have waned in recent years, however I still do have a certain fondness for the band, as well as their spin-off, A Silver Mount Zion (or Thee Silver Mount Zion Memorial Orchestra and Tra-La-La Band).

This was going to be my introduction to seeing A Silver Mount Zion this evening. It was going to be my best blog entry yet, with pictures and everything! Unfortunately, due to an all too common lack of foresight on my behalf, I didn't purchase a ticket and there were no tickets left on the door by the time I got to the venue.

So after being informed that the gig was sold out I stumbled forlorn across the road to the local Couche-Tard (which sounds like a French insult, but is actually a chain of 24 hour convenience stores) and did something I completely regret. While most people exhibit their sorrow and self-destructive tendencies with drugs, alcohol and/or gambling, I...bought a bottle of Coke. I have no recollection of consuming Coke since entering adulthood. My drink of choice is water; I rarely drink anything else (my alcohol consumption is minimal). Now to the many many people on this Earth who make Coke the popular beverage it is this may seem ridiculous, but.... Coke is impossible to drink! It hurts!! My chest clenched with such pain that I thought I was having a heart-attack! The pain was so extreme that, although I was feeling rather downcast, not even my disappointment at myself for not pre-purchasing a ticket to the gig could encourage me to have more than 3 gulps before disposing of the bottle. Which, eventually, makes this somewhat of a feel good story, as it proves that even in my darkest hour I know when to say no.
Now this may not seem like the most exciting topic to write about, but quiet frankly it's the most dramatic thing that has happened to me recently. I've been spending a lot of time indoors wrestling with my insecurities and wondering what it is I'm actually trying to do.