They Call Me Mr Carbohydrate, It's The Only Thing I Can Digest.

Yesterday whilst exploring the Williamstown area, I decided to kill two birds with one stone and also continue my search for the perfect chip. Without delving too deeply into my life's loves, it's fair to say that chips hold a special place within my heart. There are some hungers that can only be satiated with a pile of chips. Forget the pyramids, forgot the man on the moon, chips are humanity's greatest achievement. When I was in India several years ago, a friend of my father's said to me over dinner "Aloo is the king of the vegetables", and, to me, chips are its godly form. The chip is the educated, spiritually nourished potato. It is what all good potatoes aspire to be. Pomme de terre: apple of earth, the apple is Garden of Eden, the earth is Mother Nature, the accomplished potato is the chip, there is truly no other food with this much soul.

The perfect chip is one with a bit of crunch, but not one that is over-cooked to the point where the soft potato goodness on the inside has dispersed. Also, a good chip will maintain its crunch even when smothered in lemon juice (first preference) or WHITE vinegar (don't touch me you balsamic freaks). Salt is required as well. A good quality sea salt is a major enhancement to any chip.

Williamstown Mussels has a board out the front claiming that "many would say" it has the finest fish and chips in Melbourne. However, I had no interest in their seafood, there was only one thing on my mind as I entered the shop. I looked up at the menu to see that a minimum chips was $3. The portions in an average fish and chippery are much larger than a fast food chain and so I was positive that this would be enough. I ordered, paid the proprietor and threw the change back in my pocket without any thought. Several minutes later two packages came to the counter. "Two regular chips?" the lady said looking in my direction. I assumed that two regular was the minimum and thought nothing else of it. Before leaving the store I took a quick peak inside the packages to see whether they had provided me with any lemon wedges. Alas, they hadn't (despite having a large bowl of them sitting in the middle of the kitchen). Luckily at each table inside the shop was a bottle of white vinegar, so I quickly opened up the packaging and splashed the vinegar liberally over the chips. I headed outside and across the road to the park.

Once finding an appropriate bench to rest myself I was stuck by just how odd it was that they had provided me with two parcels. I thought that the portions in each one of them were reasonable and that for a minimum chips they had been mightily generous. I also pondered how I was going to get through them all. Having the stomach capacity of a malnourished 8 year old Somali girl at the best of times, it would be a significant effort just to get through the first one.


The chips were reasonable and nothing more. Many were lacking in crunch, some had become flaccid with the vinegar and the overall texture was far from spectacular. The salt used to enhance the flavour was cheap and lifeless. However, I gave them kudos for the amount of chips they were willing to provide for $3. I finished the majority of the first package and picked through the second looking for the best ones. The chips had failed to excite me and by this stage my attention had been captured by the old fashion confectioner across the road. I found an appropriate depository for the remainder and headed over towards the confectioner to see what other delectable treats I could find. On sale were some small jars of boiled sweets that I thought would make excellent gifts for the Ellis sisters. I reached into my pocket to pull out the change from the fish and chip shop only to notice that there was only $14 remaining from the $20 note I have given them. It seems they must have thought I'd asked for two minimum chips and that their portions weren't so generous after all.