We Want Our Film To Be Beautiful Not Realistic

The past week or so I have been seeing quite a few films as part of the Melbourne International Film Festival (MIFF). I guess I've always seen myself as a fairly cultured person, yet I'm someone who has kept a distance from, what I can best describe as, the culture of culture. In the past I've been very careful with my associations, my demeanour is one of inherent suspicion. However, as part of my recent shift in outlook, I decided I should loosen my belt a little and attempt to become more actively immersed. So I purchased a pass for the Film Festival. The hope was that this would not only increase my exposure to film, but also contribute to exposing myself more socially.

My relationship with film is a complex one. I enjoy film immensely, yet I have no idea how to critique (or engage with) it. Film could treat me very poorly and I would have no idea, or if I did, would never say anything. I'm just not assured enough with film, I lack the confidence to be assertive around it. I guess you could say I feel beneath it. This is opposed to (what I see as) the more solitary experience of music, where I am very comfortable. As a result my experience with film is limited. I've watched films, but I've never truly got to know them.
That, however, was hopefully going to change during the Film Festival. I was to become experienced. I wanted to be involved, attached, absorbed, plugged into film. There was certain screenings I had my eye on and I had an inkling that they would be very compatible with me. I was keen to have something new to focus on, something that would enliven and inspire me.

So I've been seeing films. Well, to be more honest, I've been attending films. I've been present at their screenings, but am unsure if I've truly understood what I've experienced. There have been times where I've felt that the relationship was starting to flourish, but others where I have felt perplexed.
I wish I could just express what I think and feel, but the fear of making a mess is too great. The thing is I expect these films to come to me. I don't understand how it could possibly work the other way 'round. This may have a great deal to do with my perspective, although maybe it's just laziness on my part? I want the film to just immediately take me by the hand, I want it to let me snuggle up beside it and to whisper soft things in its ear. I want to experience its love and love it in return, however, apparently, you must decide to risk your heart for love to find you, and I'm just not willing to take the risk. Unless I can change my attitude I don't know whether I'll ever becoming engaged with film. It's an aspect of life I may have to do without.