If I don't smell do I even exist?

This morning I ran out of deodorant, and so I took a trip to the supermarket in order to purchase more (along with some other essential items). After searching carefully through the appropriate aisles several times, it appeared that this supermarket didn't have any female spray-on deodorant in stock (yes, I use female deodorant. Who wants to smell like a man?). I would have to go elsewhere. So after spending an extraordinary amount of time trying to decide between Chips Ahoy! and Chunks Ahoy! (I finally went with the chunks), I headed to a nearby Pharmaprix. I took me about 15 minutes of walking up and down every aisle in the store for me to ponder "What if they don't sell female spray-on deodorant in Quebec?" If they did, surely a Pharmaprix (much like a Boots in the UK or Priceline in Australia) would stock it? They had roll-on deodorant and spray-on male deodorant. Far from being a quaint cultural peculiarity, this is actually very serious. I don't like roll-on, and Christopher Reeve will leap a tall building in a single bound before I wear male deodorant. So currently I am without deodorant. Now, although it is serious that I no longer smell nice and flowery, it isn't so much of a problem as I have a very minimal body odour and therefore nothing to mask. This could be down to my exceptional personal hygiene, however, I have a different theory. It is my hypothesis that I do not actually have any pheromones. Let's consider the evidence: There's the lack of body odour, but also the fact that, although I'm a fairly good-looking young man who is nice, slightly amusing and reasonably intelligent, girls do not find me attractive. I am of no interest to the opposite sex at all. There are men who do not possess a quarter of the agreeable qualities that I do who have no problem attracting girls. There is only one (highly scientific) explanation for this: a distinct lack of pheromones. Nature can hand out some cruel afflictions; incurable diseases, blindness, deafness, mental illness and limited the use of limbs to name a few. But to deprive someone of love is to deny them the recognition of being human, and therefore the cruellest of them all.