A Face Odyssey

Simple is the brand I use for most of my feminine hygiene purposes. I started using Simple back in the day, at the time my skin wasn't so flash. Not that it was really fucked up or anything, but I had a few blemishes. The main problem was that as I felt it was absolutely essential to shave daily I would inevitably shave over these blemishes constantly preventing them from having sufficient time to heal and disappear on their own accord. It was during a (northern) winter, early on in the year, that my former best friend Katey Lee suggested that I not only grow my beard for a period in order to give my face a chance regenerate itself, but also that I use an oil free facial wash, one that wouldn’t irritate my skin any further and establish a clearer complexion. Simple was the brand she suggested. Although the idea of growing a beard repulsed me, I took Katey Lee's advice and within two weeks the results were obvious. Once I could see through the thick bristle of my hideous growth that my face was blemish free, I didn't hesitate to remove said facial hair and revel in the beauty of my new found smooth spotless skin. I was a new person, not only did my face have the pure clean looks of a 9 year old Norwegian boy, I was able to harness the confidence that flowed from such an attractive appearance.

This morning I ran out of Simple's Softening Facial Cleansing Mousse, so I took a walk from my parents place (where I was attempting to write an essay, away from the hustle and bustle of my inner-city neighbourhood) to the Priceline at the Mt Waverley shops. Inside the store there was an array of beautification products, obviously some more effective than others, yet I knew what I wanted. I located the skincare aisle and headed directly to the Simple range, immediately I grabbed a bottle of Softening Facial Cleansing Mousse from the shelf, but as I headed toward the payment counter something within the Simple range caught my eye. I swung back around and took from the shelf a container of Age-Resisting Facial Wash. Now that I am getting older I have become quite concerned that I am losing my youthful good looks. My face is starting to show significant signs of aging and, quite frankly, I am worried that this will reduce my (already low) chances of finding a female woman to procreate with. Upon further inspecting the Simple range, it seemed that they had a series of products titled Regeneration that were specifically aimed at those consumers who were weary of the unfortunate effects of aging. As I further inspected the label on the Age-Resisting Facial Wash I read that the product's ingredients would ...help stimulate your skin's own immune system...improve skin tone and conditions...and leave the complexion visibly clearer. These were all positive attributes, I thought to myself. With this new compulsion to reverse my horrific seasoning I decided that I needed more of these products to assist with my appearance. So I also plucked from the shelves Simple's Smoothing Cleansing Scrub, and although I am not quite through my Shine Manager Moisturiser, I decided to also purchase the Replenishing Rich Moisturiser as well. I am hoping that frequent use of these products will help me to become the beautiful boy I so desperately wish to be and assist me in becoming appealing to female women.


Now it is all very well attempting to prevent blemishes and wrinkles on one's face, I mean, this is something we all have to deal with, however, unfortunately, as a man, there is one further issue that hinders my presentability. Facial hair is something I completely detest. I find it extraordinary that this apparently "civil society" that we live in tolerates such an overt display of masculinity. Not only is it an blatant demonstration of the brutish beast that lies within, but also the scratchiness of said facial hair is completely unfair to the female partners of these men. I mean, these girls are already getting a raw deal by being attracted to men, they don't need a raw face to go with it! This is why I believe it is essential for me to shave on a daily basis. Not only do I believe that it is a far more attractive look, but I also need to prove that I am actively protesting against the deplorable and selfish instincts of men. Unfortunately, however, this constant shaving comes with some untoward side-effects, namely shaving rash. Whilst I have been successful in removing any blemishes from my face that incubate beneath the skin, unfortunately I am yet to find a solution to this problem that is generated on the outer layer. So whilst I was in the Priceline I decided to search out a product that my help me overcome this problem. Now, for many years now I have not used a shaving cream. I've found that they tend to clog my pores and decrease the effectiveness of the facial washes that I use. Instead I have used said facial washes as a lubricant themselves. I have found them to be reasonably effective in this regard. However, it has become apparent that in order to prevent this shaving rash from occuring I needed a product specifically designed to deal with the problem. Luckily I was able to find Trishave's 3 in 1 Anti-Rash Shaving Crème. According to the packaging it functions as a pre-shave cleasner, provides a soothing shave and is also a moisturiser that leaves skin feeling soft and looking re-hydrated and healthy. It seems to be just what I need to solve my shaving rash problem and help me exhibit a beautiful and respectful appearance to all those who cross my path.