That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

Katy Stevens just got back from a trip to Japan. By all accounts it was a pleasant and enjoyable adventure. Having reasonably good relations with her I was fortunate enough to be presented with a gift upon her return to Melbourne. The gift was a cute little red fish bag, something she knew I would find appealing. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and generosity. However, upon opening up the bag I was met with something a little more intriguing. Inside the bag were two penile protective sheaths, commonly used in sexual intercourse to protect the participants from pregnancy and/or disease. Now most people know I'm not the sexiest guy in town, I mean, I try super-hard with the ladies but I just can't seem to convince them that I am a worthwhile man to make love to. In light of this information, of which Katy Stevens is well aware, it became apparent that giving me a pair of condoms was her idea of a joke. A joke that I found far from amusing. I mean, it's akin to buying gloves for an armless man or one of those Magic Eye books for a blind person, some may find this sort of dark humour amusing, but I'm not one of them.

So for the first time in my life I am in possession of some hardcore sexual paraphernalia. It feels rather strange, like I'm finally moving into the adult world. As I see it there are two main issues concerning the carrying of condoms. On the one hand I'm very much of the opinion that men should be entirely responsible for whatever is discharged from their bodies, and therefore I believe that the wearing of condoms should be de rigueur for all male participants of sexual activities. So in this regard I feel like I would be a responsible and ethically vigilant man for carrying these contraceptive devices. However, on the other hand it's fairly presumptuous to not just purchase condoms, but carry them around on your person as well. I mean, only a real arsehole would leave the house every morning fully expecting that they not only deserved to be engaged in sexually intercourse, but also this expectation would most likely be met. Furthermore, in regards to my personal track record, I believe that for me to carry a condom in my wallet would not only be an extra presumptuous, but also a somewhat ludicrous, decision for me to make.

However, there is the possibility that the vibe that a man emits from carrying a condom on his person is the key factor in him being able to engage in sexual intercourse with a woman. Maybe if I started carrying one of these prophylactics with me at all times then I just might give off the confidence of a sexual active person and find that my fortunes with the ladies will change for the better. And if this does occur, well, then the joke will most definitely be on Katy Stevens.