Around Here The Only Thing That Ain't Blue Is This Guy

I think it's fair to say that up until last week I have been completely embarrassed about my existence. Restraint has been my raison d'être. While most people make "to do" lists, I make "don't" lists. You name it, at some stage in my life, I have avoided it. I guess you could say I've lived an active passivity. The most obvious display of this has been with my attitude to the opposite sex. My doctor says that I am "living a life on hold" due to the fact that my existence seems to revolve solely around waiting. When I was around 14 or so I decided that it would be quite nice to have a girlfriend. Unfortunately, attending an all boys' school coupled with being a complete social retard ensured that implementing that decision wasn't going to be so easy. Since that time I've seen having a girlfriend as the primer to my existence. I couldn't possibly even contemplate trying to accomplish anything else until this was achieved. Of course, due to other ideological concerns I felt to actively pursue this goal was both morally and ethically suspect. And so I've waited. Perched on some convoluted principled high ground. Like a fucking idiot.

But this is set to change. This week past there has been a significant shift. A re-birth, if you will. I'm feeling good. Constantly restricting myself hasn't proved fruitful. It's just made me miserable. There's been a review; restraint, restriction and fear of regret have been cast aside. It's time to become a freedom lover. I'm feeling content and ready to present the whole man I am to the world at large.
The thing is I'm a great guy. I've got some positive attributes. I shouldn't be hiding my light under a bushel, I should be waking up strong in the morning, being more assertive with accomplishing my goals. Or start actually setting goals...
I'm not talking about anything sexy here, I'm being quite general, don't get the wrong idea. The whole "When I was around 14" stuff was just to illustrate an embedded mindset and indicate what a significant metamorphosis this is. This is about becoming pro-active across the entire life spectrum. No more descending into shame spirals, just implementing positive action rainbows. There's a multitude of colours for me to embrace. I'm blue no more.