Keep It Clean

I've been trying to make some changes this year, realign my outlook, get my head space tidy, health myself up a bit. But I've had a few stumbles along the the way. It's mainly been my fetish for the erotic delights of the airline hostess that has been my undoing. I've managed to make it all the way with two of them this year, but both sexual relationships have unfortunately been fleeting, ending in heart-break and unfulfilled desires. It was never meant to be like this though. I had it all planned out. I was meant to meet some nice girl from a decent bloodline in my late teens, we'd spend five or six years becoming acquainted with each other and then get married. We'd have some methodical and orthodox intercourse on our wedding night to consummate the relationship, and then live a life of virtue and good grace with middle income jobs in Melbourne's outer-eastern suburbs. Instead, I find myself drunkenly whoring around the world's airports, using pick-up lines like "You better fasten your seat belt, baby, 'cos you're about to experience some heavy turbulence", looking to have it off with the skanks from the budget airlines, not getting anywhere, but receiving some perverted pleasure from the thrill of the chase. I've been making a crude and inelegant fool out of myself in front of the elite of world's tourist traffic and business folk. However, this is all going to cease from now on. It's about time I got serious. I'm going to commit to the changes I pleadged to make, I'm going to clean myself up, jump on the straight and narrow, kick the booze, ditch the Cadbury Cookie Crumbles, wave goodbye to the airlines hostesses and become the decent man I was always meant to be. I'm going to start to eat right, get a good amount of exercise, put in a hard day's work for a change, grow some sideburns and a goatee, become a whole new motherfucker.