This one here is an old standby. This one is called the monkey, sometimes also known as the monkey man. It is called this because it is shaped like a man. They say that some time ago that humans and monkeys looked so much like each other that humans would have sex with monkeys. However around the Middle Ages the church began to frown on the practise and outlawed it by Papal Decree in 1684. Since then the church has denied all knowledge of human/monkey sexual interaction. The last known human to monkey sexual penetration occurred in 1984 on the set of the first Police Academy film when a drug-fueled Steve Guttenberg engaged in an intense and often violent three-way with a rare albino spider monkey and the guy who played Tackleberry. Monkeys eat birds and ants. Sometimes they steal human babies and raise them as their own. Monkeys are not to be trusted in any way.
This one here is called the Crocodillo. The Crocodillo sits by the river and relaxes all day long. He's not a good worker and doesn't care for sports. Sometimes he goes for a swim and eats the fish. But most of the time he just likes to chill out and think about ice-cream. He's never had an ice-cream, but he hears that it is good. The Crocodillo has one sworn enemy; the werewolf. If the two ever come across each other the heated argument can last for hours.
The Rhino is the smartest animal in the jungle. He can recite pi to 4560 places. He is interested in science. Unfortunately he is unable to hold a pen so none of theories ever get published. The Rhino eats grass and small furry animals. Sometimes he gets Chinese take-out. He has a particular fondness for Kung-Pao Chicken. The Rhino only comes out during the night time, because during the day he is listening to books on tape (he has to listen to tapes because he can't turn the pages of books) Rhinos have no sexual appetite whatsoever and reproduce only when shamed into doing so by the other animals.
The deer has no friends. The tiger eats the deer like the French eat cheese, the Rhino ignores the deer for his lack of intellectual curiosity and the monkey man teases the deer mercilessly for his big antlers and spotted coat. The deer can often be found in the corner of the jungle crying his little eyes out and wishing he was dead. When a tiger comes across a deer in the jungle he first tries to counsel the deer, but when the deer insists that the tiger kills him the tiger invites his friends around and they feast on deer guts.
This one is called the elephant. Elephants are badasses. The elephant owns the jungle. Nothing can stand in its way and nothing can harm it. If a tiger tried to charge an elephant the elephant would just kick its face off. It wouldn't give a shit. I'd eat an elephant. That's how much respect I have for it. You see the reason I am vegetarian is not because I'm scared of getting a little baby seal blood on my hands, it's because meat is just too easy. I mean take the cow for instance. Cow is pussy meat. A man can kill a cow in a matter of seconds. The cow just stands there and then the next thing you know it's in the refrigerated section of your local supermarket. No-one earns a cow. But if I ran naked into the jungle and wrestled an elephant to the ground and gave its neck a good snapping, then I would have earned that meat. I could proudly eat that elephant knowing that I beat him fair and square. The elephant wouldn't want it any other way.
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