Somnambulist Homesick Blues

Ever since my early teens I have slept holding a pillow to my chest. No matter whether I am sleeping on my right side or left side I require a pillow. As a result I become quite attached to the pillows I have in my life. They could be perceived more like a security blanket. Instruments of comfort in an otherwise uncomfortable existence.
There have been two pillows of note in my life most recently. I developed an especially intimate relationship with a pillow I bought in Montreal in August of 2006. This pillow was able to provide me with some much needed reassurance through a troubled period in my life. However, after accompanying me on a train trip across the United States, I had to abandon it in a Los Angeles hotel room as I didn't think I would be allowed on a plane with it. Fortunately for me I was able to be reunited with my long-term sleeping companion upon my return to Melbourne. As my days have become more and more lonesome, I have become more and more attached to this pillow. Not only do I sleep with it held close to me, but I frequently also remove it from my bed and transport it to the couch where I sit holding it in my arms as I watch a television program or a digital video disc.

Now one may think that if I was able to find someone willing to marry me that I could merely substitute the pillow for this person and sleep in the position that I understand is referred to as "spooning". However, I have become so accustomed to the proportions of my pillow that I fear that holding a woman close to my chest would be such an uncommon experience as to be disagreeable. Even if she was a petite woman, her body mass would still most likely be greater than a pillow. Unless of course she was a midget. A midget could be a similar size to a pillow. However, as I have ethical issues with weight and height discrepancy couples I feel it would be hypocritical of me to be engaged in such a relationship myself. Even if I met a wonderful midget whom I loved dearly and found sexually appealing, I would have to tell her that as much as I cared for her and as horny as she made me, that I thought it would more appropriate if we both found someone a little closer to our own dimensions.

This situation, of course, is most unfortunate for me because if I was able to find someone willing to marry me I would want to sleep right up next to her each and every night. I would want her to know that her person was so captivating to me that its proximity to my own person was essential to my relaxed state of being, that I wouldn't be able to rest easy unless that resting was conducted with her snuggly fitted inside my embrace. But in order to achieve this I would have to abandon my pillow, and this, I fear, is something that may have an adverse effect on my already poor sleeping habits.